


Last Song Syndrome

by PrimadonnaSouLa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Centric, Dean's thoughts, M/M, Open Ending, Song fic, because it doesn't qualify as angst, is this how you character study, like really you have to squint, lots of feels, pining!dean, slight sad???, slight shipper!sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 02:10:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6310978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimadonnaSouLa/pseuds/PrimadonnaSouLa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The song wasn't even Dean's usual rock song. Hell, Dean never thought that he would even listen to it. And yet every single word the song played related to Dean and his -what would you even call this feeling?- for Castiel. </p>
<p>Set after Darkness<br/>Dean!centric</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Song Syndrome

**Author's Note:**

> It was 11 pm and I was itching to write something because why is destiel not yet canon? and after writing I cried myself to sleep. But do enjoy my first fic for the spn fandom!
> 
> Set after Darkness I guess  
> mostly centered on Dean’s thoughts and the song so yeah  
> WARNING: UNBETA-ed, probs OOC-ness and alilbitofsadnessbecausefeels oh and listen to the song coz i cant add the lyrics

Dean looked at the radio, exasperated because why wasn’t it playing its usual rock songs? He shot a glare at his brother who was simply humming to the song, apparently familiar with the tune. He heaved a sigh and made a move to at least change the station when Sam grabbed his hand and moved it away from the radio. “Wait Dean, this is a really nice song.” Sam pleaded before turning back to the window, a soft smile gracing his features.

It has been a while since Dean saw his brother smile like that and it was refreshing to know that the man was still capable of happiness even after all the Darkness fiasco. After the final battle and the side of humanity won, the brothers chose to still continue the hunting lifestyle because honestly, what else could be worse than the literal Darkness? If they got through that, then they most certainly can get through many things. And most of all, they got out of that together, Sam, Castiel and him. He supposed he can cut his brother some slack after all that they did. Dean grunted to show Sam that he was letting him choose the song for once.

Despite not being his usual style, the song did have a nice tune to it. The singer’s voice was smooth and mellow. It was a simple song unlike the usual hits that played on mainstream radios and Dean and Sam, in their messed-up life, could really use some simplicity. He let the song wash over him as he drove to their next destination, the song slowly starting to imprint itself into his head.

 

\---

 

With a flirty wave, the waitress walked away from the brothers to tend to the other customers inside the café. Dean smiled back before nursing his coffee, casually avoiding eye contact with his brother whose expression showed that he wasn’t amused in the slightest. “Really Dean? In the middle of a job?” Dean just slurped at his coffee loudly to show that he was disinterested with Sam’s berating, his eyebrows cocking up in mischief. Dear God, he missed these small moments with Sam when they would just banter freely. He placed his coffee down and smirked at another waitress who passed by. Sam rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics and just read the recent update on their current hunt. Seeing that he wasn’t moving forward with anything, he glanced at Dean indicating that a certain angel was needed for the case.

“I honestly don’t know why we don’t bring him along with us.” It was Dean’s turn to roll his eyes but he whispered a small prayer for the angel to come to their aid.

“It’s because he needs his fill of Netflix, Dean. He does have a lot of catching up to do.” Even after the storm passed, the angel still hasn’t let go of his addiction with Netflix and kept on binge-watching all types of shows.

“Hello, Dean.” The empty seat beside Dean wasn’t so empty anymore now that Castiel sat beside him. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear.” Dean joked before scooting away, Castiel’s warmth very familiar and coaxing and at the same time made him feel uncomfortable. Hell, even the way Castiel says his name makes Dean feel less at ease with himself.

They have been friends for many years and saved the world together and all that, and yet Dean still couldn’t explain what he felt for the man. His feelings were too intense for friendship, and yet seemed too weak for romantic feelings. At least it seemed like that to Dean. He had a few people that he loved in his life, and in the romantic aspect fewer looking at his lifestyle, so he wasn’t sure if he was a reliable source when it comes to classifying feelings.

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice broke through Dean’s train of thought and he realized that he had been staring at nothing for the past minutes, just content in savoring the heat beside him and the company that he had. Well perhaps too much because he spaced out and now missed out on the conversation between Sam and Castiel.

“Don’t mind me, I was totally listening.” Dean lied but it was clear the neither men believed him. “You were thinking Dean? That’s a dangerous past time for you.” Sam said which received him a shove from Dean who was grumbling about annoying brothers. Dean felt an intense gaze coming from his side only to find Castiel giving him a –was that fond? - smile. Dean gave a small smile back, not knowing what to think of the smile that Castiel always gave him, even before the Darkness. And all those smiles manage to make Dean speechless without fail.

But Dean was okay with that. Because that meant he did something to make the angel smile, even though he didn’t know what good he could have done.

 

\---

 

“Hey Dean, why don’t you watch with us?” Sam called out to his brother, gesturing to the empty space beside him on the bed. Sam and Castiel were situated in front of Sam’s laptop, watching an episode of Castiel’s latest addiction. Sam decided to humor Castiel by watching with him and for Sam it was a good way to hang out with the angel.

Dean’s blood boiled with the sight of Castiel in Sam’s room, even more so when the angel was in close proximity with his brother. The need to get Castiel away was strong, and yet Dean did not know why the urge appeared. It was not sudden however, that feeling has always been there ever since Castiel saved him from Zachariah and rebelled for him.

With a deep breath to calm that unnamed feeling down, Dean nodded and sat beside Sam to watch. Sam grinned in glee and turned his attention back to the screen.

“It’s nice of you to join us, Dean.” Castiel’s gravelly voice called out to Dean and Dean unconsciously shivered in –what, delight? Why else would he shiver just from Castiel calling out to him? What was with Castiel that just made him so confused and at the same time feel like he’s solved every single puzzle in the world?

As the characters in the show bantered about who would get the next lead for their performance, Dean chose to shift his focus to Castiel. It was a little bit awkward for him to lean forward just so he could get a glimpse of the angel but it would do. Sam, all of a sudden, stood up and said that he would just get a drink and with a “you fellas enjoy your show while I’m gone”, Dean and Castiel were left alone in the room.

Despite the absence of Sam’s form, Dean chose to still scoot forward to look at Castiel and contemplate on why the angel always made him feel that way. It wasn’t like what the girls he hooked up with did to him, but it was also not what Sam and his friends made him feel. Dean started to get aggravated from his confusing feelings when all of a sudden, Castiel laughed at one of the character’s antics. A laugh so heartwarming and full of joy that Dean unconsciously smiled from the happiness coming from the angel and-

Oh.

Oh.

It honestly wasn’t a surprise. It was always there but Dean didn’t –just chose to- ignore it. But there was no running now. It wasn’t just brotherly affection that he felt, nor was it a romantic and sexual attraction that he had. It was love. And that love was for Castiel. Dean is in love with Castiel. And somehow, the word attached to the angel’s name makes all the difference in his definition of what that feeling was. And it was fine. He could deal with that.

They were off to another hunt –apparently people have been disappearing in a museum in Ohio at night and of course it was their job to check. But this hunt was special. Castiel was inside the backseat of the Impala with his fake FBI badge and all. He was fiddling with it, still curious as to why they would need to show the badge just to get answers when they could just be straightforward. That trait that he kept with him still makes Dean smile in fondness for the man.

“Get your ass here Sammy.” Dean shouted before entering the car and slightly adjusting the rearview mirror to get a small glimpse of Castiel. “Cas, ya ready?” He asked the angel and with a slight smile, the angel nodded. Once Sam entered the car they drove off.

Dean turned on the radio and once again it wasn’t playing his usual songs. Instead it was again playing that song that he just couldn’t help thinking of. Third time may be the charm, but the second time surely hit Dean. The lyrics of the song, despite being directed to a woman, still related to Dean in so many ways. Each word, each note struck home and Dean, despite only hearing the song once, sang along quietly, all the while glancing at the rearview mirror.

_“Coz love her with all that I am_

_And my voice shakes along with my hands”_

Dean could see Castiel’s smile grow a little bit wider. He could also feel Sam staring at him in awe, not used to seeing or hearing his brother sing something other than his usual bands. And he could also feel his heart racing, his knuckles tightening, and his grin widening because damn it, he’s just so in love with Castiel. He let the piano course through him as he turned his attention back to the road to reel back his feelings.

_“Cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea_

_But I'd rather be here than on land”_

Dean never got used to having good things just because he “deserved” it. And of course, Castiel was one on the best things that happened to him. And of course he had to fall in love with the angel. But really, why would he let the best thing that happened to him go just because of his feelings for the angel when it was so clear to him that Castiel only saw him as a comrade, a brother? And really, why would he, a tainted and impure soul, taint someone as beautiful and amazing as Castiel? Dean, just be happy with what you have with Castiel. You guys are best friends, what more can you ask for? Dean thought to himself and yet he knew that it wouldn’t be easy to erase his feelings for the man.

He took one last look at the mirror to see Castiel with a soft smile on his face as bees flew past his window. Dean looked away. He then knew that he wouldn’t want to erase his feelings for the man. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Because really, loving Castiel was enough for him. And as long as Castiel stayed by their side, even without returning his feelings, then it was all good, Dean thought to himself. It was all good.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Out of my League by Stephen Speaks  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rW-QCDmXWs
> 
> Do leave a comment and kudos if you liked it :D


End file.
